I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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