dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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