drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just found a bag of teeth...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
