how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
