end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
