but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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