So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Also, beer. Big fan.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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