"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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