youre lurking in front of me
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
