Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
