i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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