idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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