You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
