Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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