Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
