I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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