You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
