lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think my moral compass just broke
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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