so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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