i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
