I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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