Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
