He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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