just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
