did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
