there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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