the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
