Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You dont lie about slip and slides
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
