Please, let me fuck your mom
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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