me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
