Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
