im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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