ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I wish I only lived at night.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
