I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
