You're my little dorito
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
