I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
