tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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