I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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