Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
