It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
