forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
