R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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