covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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