You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
vagina is talking i cant
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
