I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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