like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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