Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
