i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
