When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
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You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
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No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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