So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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