We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
