new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
