We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
