Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
