eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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