You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
