I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
my liver is dry heaving
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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