yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
