It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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