Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm passing your future prison.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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