i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
