I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The air was thick with penises
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
