have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
