o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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