peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
