Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
