dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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